I am having a reversal of critical thinking on being a Cougar. It’s beginning to seem like smart life planning. Flat abs vs flabby — who wouldn’t want to look at that coming out of the shower? A man who doesn’t require a medical alert necklace like my dates. I dream of never meeting for dinner at 5:30 again. I haven’t had the chutzpah to go for younger men, which bums me out, but maybe I should give it a whirl. I just read that Heidi Klum married a young hottie 18 years younger than she is. Go, Heidi, go! I have a good friend who married a man 20 years younger, which at first put me in a state of shock but now a state of wonder and envy. And just a word to the wise: the old rich guy isn’t leaving you any money; it’s already accounted for and in trust to his kids. Still want to eat dinner at 5:30?
Google defines Cougar women as over the age of 40, financially independent, successful, confident, motivated, love their life and self. Ok, ok, I don’t exactly fit the definition, but close. Maybe I should see a therapist. Cougar women date men at least 10 years younger, which sounds better than a pile of cash. Curiously, old men have preyed on younger women for years and they’ve been called “lucky,” not some form of wild mountain cat. I vote for a name change ASAP! Rumor has it younger men are energetic, fun, and not re-filling Viagra prescriptions every month. Those pretty little blue pills are only a medical miracle for men. Does that sound harsh? And if it does, call me. I want to talk to the woman who wants their guy to have an erection that lasts for more than four hours.
Hmmm, so what’s holding me back? The mirror. What happens the day my young hottie looks at me and wishes he was with one? Granted, supermodel Heidi may never face that issue but I probably would. Although, on second thought, how about all the fun in the interim? I’m all in.
Gail Forrest recently started doing standup which she finds is a complete blast. Gonepausal is her blog and she has a book on Amazon by the same name filled with stories of her skewed, funny view on midlife and all its attendant surprises. Humor is the only way forward at this point.