fbpx

Post-Vaccinated Dating. You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up!

Comedian Gail Forrest enters the post-vaccinated dating world — in person! But has everyone forgotten how to have a two-way conversation?

Vaccinated woman looking to date vaccinated man. Yep, I thought I’d try it again with all systems go go go! It felt freeing to finally be able to meet a man in person and not on a computer screen or iPhone. I decided to jump into the post-vaccine dating pool and give it another shot. Did I think vaccinated I would get asked on a second date? I had a vision of giving up my “Queen of One Date” title once and for all. Hey, a girl can dream.

Covid dates via Zoom and FaceTime were not the way to meet a man and, truthfully, frightening. The lighting, backdrop and proximity to the screen were crucial and it was more like setting up for a movie shoot than a date. Although the best part was only getting half dressed! Just having to be presentable from the waist up was liberating.

Internet dating was back in full force for the vaccinated

Ah yes, internet dating was back in full force for the vaccinated. Brave and inoculated it was time to get out the door and date up close. To me, dating sites were still a vast wasteland of complete strangers. All you really know is what someone decides to write about themselves. And face it, the books can be cooked in terms of height, weight, age, marital status, etc. Admittedly, I am not infraction-free but don’t ask. What always shocks me is how many people write they love walking on the beach or sitting in front of a fire. Is it really possible that every unattached person loves water and fire?

Most internet men give me their phone numbers and ask me to call them. One night, feeling brave, I drank and dialed Mr. A. “Hi, it’s Gail from Match.” That was also the last time I uttered a word. For one hour I heard about his wife’s timely death as she had been ill for so long he was relieved she died, his near demise from Covid, his house, two Doodle dogs, college days, smoking pot, and not yet feeling comfortable having his dead wife’s friends fix him up. I questioned whether I also had not died in the last hour. He then had the temerity to ask me how I thought our conversation went. I had the temerity to mention I had not yet uttered a word. I knew his whole life story and I’m not sure he knew who called. Next.

I agreed to take a walk with Mr. R after a brief phone chat where I mentioned I was a writer. He mentioned he was one also although not yet on paper! I developed a twitch. I did, however, agree to a morning walk because I wanted to test drive a date to see whether I could really get out the door. He was another nonstop talker and I found myself rendered speechless so as not to be a nonstop interrupter. He must have realized how much he was talking because he jokingly mentioned that people use a quantifiable amount of words in a lifetime and I casually said he didn’t have to use them all on one walk. Not surprisingly, we never spoke again.

Were words just exploding out of mouths after a year of being trapped?

I did some research as I was surprised how chatty men had become since Covid. Did masks hold in words along with prevent the virus? Were words just exploding out of mouths after a year of being trapped? Google says the average woman uses 20,000 words in a day and men 7,000. Had men become women?!

It seemed so, as next was Mr. P. In one phone conversation I learned he had two bunions removed, two knee replacements, one new hip or was it three, his son was moving in, had biked across Iowa five times, was accepted at three Ivy League schools and chose Yale, and had been single since 1980. I was exhausted and wordless. He had blown past 20,000 in one phone call. Again rendered silent, I began to wonder if I was becoming a man?
I persevered and, ironically, along came Mr. M, the man who only texted six letters: “Hi, Gail.” It was as hard to get him to use up his allotment as it was to get the others to curb theirs. But on the upside there was no mention of joint replacements, three hips, or bunion surgery.

Vaccinated woman looking for a 7,000-word vaccinated man.

6 COMMENTS

  1. Always enjoy your writing, Gail! I have laugh out loud moments throughout the piece and boy is that appreciated!! I wish you all the best on the ‘other side’ of the pandemic ✌🏻 – with dating and life in general. I hope you never lose your humour and never stop sharing it with the rest of us 😊

    • Thanks for the incredibly lovely compliment. I am so glad I can make you laugh as the articles are fun for me to write. The truth can really be funny looking at it through the right lens. If you keep reading I’ll keep writing!

  2. I feel so seen! I have experienced the same talk-oholicism on the first online date meeting. I gave one of the fellows a second meeting thinking he got all of that talking out of his system and we could have some balance in our conversation. Surprise! It was worst. Le sigh.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Gail Forresthttp://www.gailforrest.com
Gail Forrest recently started doing standup which she finds is a complete blast. Gonepausal is her blog and she has a book on Amazon by the same name filled with stories of her skewed, funny view on midlife and all its attendant surprises. Humor is the only way forward at this point.

 

Join the AGEIST Movement
sign up for the newsletter today.

RECENT ARTICLES

LATEST Profiles

X