fbpx
  • culture
More

    Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.

    Ever felt like the TV is watching YOU? Comedian Gail Forrest looks at today's advertising and is freaked out.

    By Gail Forrest

    Baby Boomers be afraid, be very afraid. Advertisers are after us and they’re getting too close for comfort. I try as hard as I can to be strong and stay away from the TV, but I am weak and love a good flat screen. I have little will power when it comes to “regularly scheduled programming.”

    Sunday morning, I desperately struggled to turn my back on George Stephanopoulos and his giant hair. I walked through my den, head down, thinking only of coffee. “I love coffee, I can’t wait for my morning coffee, I love coffee.”

    Who was I kidding? I grabbed the seven clickers it takes to turn on the TV. I had all seven in my hand but couldn’t remember which one turned it on. I thought about throwing them against the wall but, in the nick of time, realized that would be counter-productive. I had a slight fever and mild delirium when George’s face appeared.

    If only the morning was filled with my usual yelling and screaming at the talking heads, but it wasn’t. The commercials FREAKED ME OUT. They may as well have called my name.

    “Gail, are you irritable because you’re constipated?”

    “No, well sometimes, maybe, should I be? I eat prunes. I recently bought the Metamucil you suggested last Sunday.”

    “Gail, are you sleepless? Do you toss and turn and rip the covers to shreds?”

    “Ok, yes, yes, a thousand times, yes! I can’t sleep, I haven’t slept in a week. I’m exhausted. I’m desperate and tired. What do I need…tell me, tell me!”

    “Gail, would you like flatter abs?”

    “Oh God, they can see my abs!…I sucked in my stomach and spat out my coffee. I hit the floor and did 50 sit-ups to no avail. “I need flatter abs. You’re right! Help!”

    The ads never stopped: it was my hearing, bladder control, eyesight, falling and last-but-not-least cute new pull-up diapers. 

    I no longer cared about George, his hair, or political opinion. I hated his scary advertisers. I turned off the TV, threw the clickers on the floor, and went back to bed.

     

    Gail Forrest recently started doing standup which she finds is a complete blast. Gonepausal is her blog, and she has a book on Amazon by the same name filled with stories of her skewed, funny view on midlife and all its attendant surprises. Humor is the only way forward at this point.  

    www.gailforrest.com
    Instagram: Gail Forrest
    Youtube: Gail Forrest
    FB: Gail Forrest and Gonepausal

     

    Gail Forrest
    Gail Forresthttps://gonepausal.blogspot.com/
    Gail Forrest recently started doing standup which she finds is a complete blast. Gonepausal is her blog and she has a book on Amazon by the same name filled with stories of her skewed, funny view on midlife and all its attendant surprises. Humor is the only way forward at this point.
    -Advertisement-
    3,347FansLike
    10,387FollowersFollow
    2,976FollowersFollow

    More Stories

    Words in Progress: Pierluca de Carlo

    Pierluca de Carlo, one of the most impressive artists we have met, is having his first LA show Jan 24-Feb 2, 2020 at The...

    Testing Things: The Step Count of the iPhone vs Fitbit 

    Since we have gotten deep into the idea of tracking our steps, a discrepancy has arisen. The iPhone could be counting 9,000 steps while...

    Dr. Bella McCloud, 59: Upward Life Trajectory

    When, two years ago, we last spoke with Bella, she was deep in the long process of getting her Ph.D. in clinical psychology. Then...

    An Outdoor Guy’s Guide to Lifestyle Brands That Resonate

    There has been a lot of brand bashing about companies that just don’t get it when it comes to people like us. Who does...

    5 Ways for Guys to Look Better. Amy Keller, Our Maverick Fashion Stylist

    How do people like Brad Pitt always look so great? It helps to start out looking like Brad, but people in his line of...

    LATEST Profiles

    Dr. Bella McCloud, 59: Upward Life Trajectory

    When, two years ago, we last spoke with Bella, she was deep in the long process of getting her Ph.D. in clinical psychology. Then...

    Joe La Fontaine, 59: Flying High

    Joe La Fontaine, 59, lives the high life, as in the really really high life, flying at 40,000 ft, captaining the world’s largest commercial...

    Norma Kamali, 74: Embracing the Beauty of Age

    At 74, she is now, and has always been, a true future-looking savant, an icon who is just as vital and culturally influential as...
    X