Recently, out on a Match.com date, a 76-year-old man asked me if women over 60 still want to have sex. Just as a warning, he stated on his profile that he was 66; funny math, I’d say. And men protest that women fudge the numbers! Geez. Because of his question I had to wonder if he was having a stroke or was that his best “line” to get me in bed? Should I have called an ambulance or ripped off my blouse and jumped up yelling “yes, yes, yes I will prove we do.” I watched closely to see if his mouth was drooping as he continued to explain that his friends have told him menopausal and post-menopausal women turn into shriveled up prunes, drier than the Sahara. Hmmm, his friends are well traveled and constipated. He also cited that he had never slept with a woman over 60 as his ex-wife was 20 years younger than he. How’s that for seduction? Hot or not?
My friend Rick likes to call sex over sixty “senior citizen sex” which by definition is accurate but makes me want to cringe and re-claim my virginity. It begs my wondering if that’s possible after enough sexless years have passed. Could be tempting. To be a virgin again sounds like a place to hide from old guys with sagging balls. “And yes, men, they sag just like breasts.” You see, it’s not that women don’t want to have sex with men over sixty, it’s just that the idea doesn’t fill our every waking moment or, depending on the man, any moment. It’s tough out there in man land to find a hand to hold, a good cuddle, a new best friend, no less a hot sex life; or so I have witnessed, but as of yet not totally convinced. I wanted hope and not prunes.
I decided to do some research before I jumped to any more sad conclusions as I could be wrong. Can sex still be hot over sixty? I needed to know what my demographic was thinking and doing when it came to their sex life.
The men I queried were more than happy to pour their hearts out about women and sex regardless of my taking them by surprise with the question. I was expecting silence or “huh?” Interestingly, the common denominator was performance anxiety and also the desire for closeness. An enlightening and honest confession.
The Male Point of View
“I am always afraid my mind will make a promise my body can’t keep.”
“My sex life slowed down significantly after sixty because it coincided with my wife losing interest in sex with me. Now looking for psychological as well as physical intimacy.”
“If a woman is confident and comfortable in her own skin that makes them more attractive. Sex can definitely be hot. Knowing what to expect from your body because of experience is key.”
“It can be great with the right person at this age – more open, expressive, meaningful, wise, and a sense of thinking you have a future with the person.”
“I will never tire of kissing or making out on a park bench regardless of age.”
And then there was the 24-year-old guy in my comedy class who said he figures at 60 he will have no interest in sex. I think the question grossed him out, like picturing his parents having sex, only it’s him!
The Women Talked a Different Game
“Ugh, zero interest, terrible, sex doesn’t exist. I have three friends who haven’t had sex in over nine years. I feel too fat and if I was thinner I would feel better about it. Not even on the horizon.”
“No desire. Just like the foreplay. Would like to meet someone new but don’t care about the sex. I like a good kisser, though.”
“The chance of me and my husband being into it at the same time is rare! I can’t remember the last time. I also worry about Viagra and his heart issue and also with all the medication he’s on things don’t always work”.
“Depends on the guy and a hot older man would be a big YES!”
“Sixty-four and better than ever!”
“I’m all for it. It’s my husband that’s the problem.”
Is there a shelf life to hot sex? I tend to be a pessimist with only occasional bouts of optimism so I believe there is definitely sex over sixty, but as for hot – I can always depend on a prune Danish!