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Sex Over Sixty: Hot or Not?

Comedian Gail Forrest wonders: Does hot sex have a shelf life? She asks men and women for their perspective.

Recently, out on a Match.com date, a 76-year-old man asked me if women over 60 still want to have sex. Just as a warning, he stated on his profile that he was 66; funny math, I’d say. And men protest that women fudge the numbers! Geez. Because of his question I had to wonder if he was having a stroke or was that his best “line” to get me in bed? Should I have called an ambulance or ripped off my blouse and jumped up yelling “yes, yes, yes I will prove we do.”  I watched closely to see if his mouth was drooping as he continued to explain that his friends have told him menopausal and post-menopausal women turn into shriveled up prunes, drier than the Sahara. Hmmm, his friends are well traveled and constipated. He also cited that he had never slept with a woman over 60 as his ex-wife was 20 years younger than he. How’s that for seduction? Hot or not?

My friend Rick likes to call sex over sixty “senior citizen sex” which by definition is accurate but makes me want to cringe and re-claim my virginity.  It begs my wondering if that’s possible after enough sexless years have passed. Could be tempting. To be a virgin again sounds like a place to hide from old guys with sagging balls. “And yes, men, they sag just like breasts.” You see, it’s not that women don’t want to have sex with men over sixty, it’s just that the idea doesn’t fill our every waking moment or, depending on the man, any moment. It’s tough out there in man land to find a hand to hold, a good cuddle, a new best friend, no less a hot sex life; or so I have witnessed, but as of yet not totally convinced. I wanted hope and not prunes.

I decided to do some research before I jumped to any more sad conclusions as I could be wrong. Can sex still be hot over sixty? I needed to know what my demographic was thinking and doing when it came to their sex life.

The men I queried were more than happy to pour their hearts out about women and sex regardless of my taking them by surprise with the question. I was expecting silence or “huh?” Interestingly, the common denominator was performance anxiety and also the desire for closeness. An enlightening and honest confession. 

The Male Point of View

“I am always afraid my mind will make a promise my body can’t keep.”

“My sex life slowed down significantly after sixty because it coincided with my wife losing interest in sex with me. Now looking for psychological as well as physical intimacy.”

“If a woman is confident and comfortable in her own skin that makes them more attractive. Sex can definitely be hot. Knowing what to expect from your body because of experience is key.”

“It can be great with the right person at this age – more open, expressive, meaningful, wise, and a sense of thinking you have a future with the person.”

“I will never tire of kissing or making out on a park bench regardless of age.” 

And then there was the 24-year-old guy in my comedy class who said he figures at 60 he will have no interest in sex. I think the question grossed him out, like picturing his parents having sex, only it’s him!

The Women Talked a Different Game 

“Ugh, zero interest, terrible, sex doesn’t exist. I have three friends who haven’t had sex in over nine years. I feel too fat and if I was thinner I would feel better about it. Not even on the horizon.”

“No desire. Just like the foreplay. Would like to meet someone new but don’t care about the sex. I like a good kisser, though.”

“The chance of me and my husband being into it at the same time is rare! I can’t remember the last time. I also worry about Viagra and his heart issue and also with all the medication he’s on things don’t always work”. 

“Depends on the guy and a hot older man would be a big YES!”

“Sixty-four and better than ever!”

“I’m all for it. It’s my husband that’s the problem.”

Is there a shelf life to hot sex? I tend to be a pessimist with only occasional bouts of optimism so I believe there is definitely sex over sixty, but as for hot – I can always depend on a prune Danish!

14 COMMENTS

  1. Holy guacamole! People, sex can be one of the best things in life. I’m 62, and long married. Like many women, menopause drop-kicked my libido hard into the Land of Not Interested. But a few years ago, I suddenly realized that I wasn’t going to give up that part of my life so soon. After some deeply personal and difficult conversations with my husband, I started working on this issue (him too). First up, getting a female dr on board to check any health issues, and deal with no drive. After a few months, I felt 100% better and my sex drive returned–not the blazing craziness of my 20s, but a deeper, far more interesting simmer. Together, we’ve found that damn frank conversations about what we want, removing old misconceptions about age, and patience, have all led to a more fulfilling sex life. We learned to talk about very personal things,, and boy, it was challenging! It was so worth it. We have a different sex life than 30 years ago, but it’s more intimate in so many ways.

    Here’s probably the most critical roadblock I figured out–Don’t give up sex just because society tells you that you’re not sexually viable anymore!!! I didn’t realize how potent those voices were until i started down this road. As a woman, we become invisible at some point, which is such a rejection. Both men and women (as well as same sex couples) accept the role of Really Excellent Roommates. Yes, the body changes. But it’s still beautiful if you take the time to really feel, touch, smell, and revel in it. Accept that orgasm may not be the end result every single time. The pleasure and fulfillment you get from sexual intimacy is so worth the effort and can give you satisfaction you didn’t expect. Give up those ideas of keeping new sexual experiences off the table just because of age. Bandage, role play, oral, fantasy, spanking sound interesting? Try it! Nothing is wrong or bad unless it doesn’t turn you on. Read some romance, both of you–there are a ton of books that include lots of different ideas for any type of couples.

    Most importantly–refuse to throw in the towel. Your age means nothing, and don’t listen to those voices that say we’re not worthy of sexual pleasure. It’s simply not true.

  2. What a great great description of how to remain sexual. I think it was great that you went to such lengths to find a way back to sexuality and your husband was right along side of you! Thanks for your encouraging and brave, insightful words! I will remember them.

  3. Echoing Rebecca……Find a Dr. who knows about older women and sex. I found such a Dr. and she revived my sex life. At 65, I have a partner that is 6 years younger than I am and I’m experiencing some of the best sex I’ve ever had. Age, wisdome and some great medications to thank for that. I can’t tell you how many women my age have said to me that their doctors never bring up the conversation of sex after menopause. I took several of my doctor’s business cards (she is a gyn who specializes in older women’s sexuality) and hand them out liberally. There IS sex after 60 but you have to deal with the facts of aging including “vaginal atrophy”.. It is not a lost cause.

  4. Bio identical hormone therapy is the answer. See Dr. Denise Bogard’s website…she is an aging well medical doctor located in Roseville, CA.

  5. My man and I have found a wonderful new sex life in our 60’s. Our relationship started as acquaintances and grew to friendship, and then to a sex life that I never knew was possible. We feel like we are in our 20’s but better. We both discovered a deeper tender passion based on an appreciation of our new lives. Our sex life is an expression of the love that we have discovered for each other. I might add that my man’s libido was super-charged from the beginning!

    • That is a great story. I believe a friendship can grow into something very special as the two of you have discovered. It is very encouraging to hear stories such as yours. Bravo and congratulations!

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Gail Forrest
Gail Forresthttp://www.gailforrest.com
Gail Forrest recently started doing standup which she finds is a complete blast. Gonepausal is her blog and she has a book on Amazon by the same name filled with stories of her skewed, funny view on midlife and all its attendant surprises. Humor is the only way forward at this point.

 

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